AP 2.0

Mar. 22, 2008 at 9:57am

My Next Life Has Begun

Now What?

My wife, Linda Pedersen, lost her battle with Pancreatic Cancer on 3/18/08, at home in the afternoon, surrounded by friends and family.  We are happy that her suffering has ended.  She left us with a smile and for that I am eternally grateful.  Those of you who are interested are welcome to attend her memorial at 12:30pm, Tuesday March 25th at Mountain View Funeral Home & Memorial Park at 4100 Steilacoom Blvd. in Lakewood, Washington.

Linda's abridged life came to an end way too soon.  It's unfair.  I'm angry.  There are still so many things to do, to plan and to "take care of".  Life changed in an instant on the day of her diagnosis, and it has changed yet again with her passing.  I barely remember what life used to be like.  What will life be like going forward?

I have returned to a stage of life I had already gotten past and it is frustrating. To go from settled, happy and content to flustered, uncertain and wondering in a few short months is almost too much for this 34 year old.  Luckily, with the help of friends and family, I will have to find a way to heal one small piece at a time.  Mornings are hard.  Very hard.  This morning is particularly hard, and that's why I'm writing here.  Maybe this will make me feel better so that I can make breakfast and get on with taking care of things I never wanted to take care of today. 

Wish me strength and luck.  I'm short on both right now.

comments [9]  |  posted under ashton, cancer, linda pedersen, memorial, tacoma


by Dmitri on 3/22/2008 @ 10:42am
You have every right to be angry and frustrated. It IS unfair.

I don't believe I know you personally, not yet anyway, but my heart goes out to you. There is not likely to be anything I, or anyone, can say to make it better. All I can do is try to imagine how I would feel in the same situation, knowing it would make me feel just as angry, just as frustrated, just as lost.

Everyone who knows you, and everyone who reads what you wrote, will try to carry some small piece of the load that is weighing you down. Maybe that will be of some consolation, even if the load doesn't feel any lighter at first.

Remember that smile she left you with; it will always be yours.

Peace to you ...

by Raido on 3/22/2008 @ 10:43am
AP, I am very sorry about your loss. It is unfair that you have lost her now, so early in your lives together. No wonder you are angry. Please take good care of yourself and let your family and friends remain around you to help and comfort you. Words from an anonymous responder may not be much help at this time, but I wanted you to know that there are people out here "listening" and pulling for you. It sounds as though you already do have the strength to make it through this; still, I'll heed your call and wish you both strength and luck. I can already tell you have courage.

by KevinFreitas on 3/22/2008 @ 11:26am
I'm so sorry, AP. Though we've only had the pleasure of meeting once I want you to know our hearts go out to your and your family. Dmitri and Raido said it well and I hope seeing you write this is a sign of the strength that will help guide you through this terribly difficult time.

Don't forget we're just down the street if you need anything. Truly.

by ensie on 3/22/2008 @ 11:49am
AP, both my husband and I are terribly sorry. Our prayers are with you and your loved ones.

Please let us know if there is anything we can do.

by jcbetty on 3/22/2008 @ 11:51am
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and I wish you all the strength that good memories, family, and friends can bring to your healing. I lost my husband in '91, and I can understand the unfairness of it all, as I can understand your anger and frustration. Go with whatever feelings you have, whenever you have them, and know that you're never as alone as this process sometimes feels.

big hugs going out to you!

by jenyum on 3/22/2008 @ 11:55am
I am so sorry.

by AP on 3/22/2008 @ 12:43pm
I already feel a little better. Thanks, everybody, for reaching out. Your words are uplifting.

by Frinklin on 3/22/2008 @ 2:02pm
AP, I can only echo the statements left by my fellow bloggers and commenters. We are very sorry for your loss and you shall be in our thoughts and prayers.

by Erik on 3/22/2008 @ 2:51pm
Luckily, with the help of friends and family, I will have to find a way to heal one small piece at a time.

Thanks for posting AP at such a rough time. My condolences. Hang in there.