AngelaJossy's Blog

Jun. 4, 2009 at 12:13pm

Feeling a little downtrodden right now

I think I might be depressed. Maybe a better word would be disappointed. Things just haven't been going right for me lately. It feels like my sphere of mobility is getting smaller and smaller. What I mean by that is I keep losing abilities and I have to adjust. For example, car trouble makes it so I can't just get up and go places I want (and sometimes need) to go. Money trouble makes it so I can't afford to do/have things I'm accustomed to (like groceries). The most recent trouble (computer trouble) is kind of the last straw. I'm using my roommate's computer right now because my laptop (that is only a couple years old) just died. I'm pretty sure the problem was caused by the heat which is ironic because I bought this particular kind of computer because of its new cooling technology. Here's the sales pitch I fell for:

Several of my friends are in new relationships right now and I'm genuinely happy for them but ... I confess I have no love interests at all right now. Not even a twinge of attraction to anyone and I hate to admit it but like it better when my girl friends are single and we are all free to have fun, do projects, go dancing, etc. I know that's selfish and if I was sweet on some hot boy I'd be singing a different tune so I'm cool with it. Still, it makes me feel a little lonely.   

Other woes that plague me include: bills I can't keep up with, a bit of saddening family drama, I'm producing killer shows that suffer from low attendance (thereby costing ME money to keep them going), both Glassroots Festival and Point Defiance Music Fest have been cancelled this year because of lack of sponsors so I have NO FESTIVALS AT ALL THIS SUMMER and I feel overwhelmed with the workload I'm carrying ($100 A DAY jobs, household stuff and a couple of volunteer projects). I feel so drastically underpaid for all this hard work I'm doing. I wish we could just get our frigging building so I can stop this madness and live a much simpler life.

Always darkest before the dawn? I really hope so. I'd rather be making music and planning parties. If I'd known I wasn't going to be all wrapped up in festival planning this summer I might have actually applied to play music at some festivals myself. I want to spend some time writing new songs and recording a new album. I miss singing. What I don't miss is watching the door and counting heads but now I'm doing that anyway only I don't get to play music.  

I'm having another yard sale this weekend. I made $258.70 last weekend which isn't bad but it took three long days and it's a little sad selling something for fifty cents when I paid full price for it not long ago. But on the other hand I'm glad to be ridding my life of the clutter and simplifying. This weekend I'm bringing out more stuff I can live without. All these possessions are weighing me down. I need to get free. I think after this weekend I'm going to feel a lot better. Big life transitions aren't easy. I hope these are just growing pains and that the end result will be worth it. My time will come. It just has to.

comments [10]  |  posted under sucks to be me right now, Tacoma


by NineInchNachos on 6/4/2009 @ 1:29pm
hey look on the bright side: at least russell is getting all kinds of handouts from the city! with your money!!!

by jenyum on 6/4/2009 @ 2:47pm
We should have that lunch we were going to have, way back when. I'm paying.*

(*offer must be redeemed within one week or I'll have spent all of my money, such as it is, again.)

by JesseHillFan on 6/4/2009 @ 4:07pm
You should get a pet cat then you wouldn't feel so lonely.
Sorry that you're having car troubles in fact I had similar problems just a couple of weeks ago.I think that what you need is a netbook (they use less power are much less expensive don't get as hot and the battery lasts so much longer) and a desktop PC (custom built one is much better than brand named ones because the brand named ones use cheaper parts).Anyway I hope that you feel better even though I've never met you in person.

by jenyum on 6/4/2009 @ 4:13pm
I find that if I'm not strict about keeping the laptop on a hard surface it tends to overheat. (Meaning, never the couch.)

Having one of those lap desk things helps.

by AngelaJossy on 6/4/2009 @ 5:05pm
Here's my theme song today:

PS. I'm feeling better now. Sometimes you just have to get it out of your system. I'm done whining and I'm moving on full speed ahead.

by AngelaJossy on 6/4/2009 @ 5:09pm
@JesseHillFan - thanks for the feline tip. I used to have two parakeets but I couldn't afford to feed them so I gave them to a high school friend. I learned last weekend that one of them died. I loved those birds. They really seemed to enjoy my singing.

by ensie on 6/4/2009 @ 8:16pm
We're going through some rough times too, but I just want to say I haven't seen anyone work harder at following your dreams. Keep on keepin' on!

by AngelaJossy on 6/4/2009 @ 8:46pm
Thanks ensie. I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time too. I really appreciate your comments. I've been working so hard that I'm not even sure what my dreams are anymore. People ask me what I really want to do ultimately and I still have a hard time nailing down a reasonable answer.

by intacoma on 6/4/2009 @ 10:24pm
chin up, also have you checked out filter?

you should put together some of your better design work and talk with them, you might find something with them. Some of the MS work they have pays about $50 an hour

by NineInchNachos on 6/4/2009 @ 11:53pm
have you quit smoking yet? That's a big no-brainer money drainer.