Tacoma Aroma

Nov. 16, 2007 at 9:20am

DATE NIGHT: What's that funk?

Perhaps you're not one of the young urban professionals willing to drop $50 on last minute Jazzbones tickets. Maybe eight dollar beers strikes you as a bit odd. Maybe your just not pretentious enough to start yammering about red currants in your wine. If this is you, well..we're here to help.

Yes, Tacoma is in the midst of an urban renewal, powered by an influx of youth and money, creating a throbbing, engorged, upscale nightlife. But you, dear reader, aren't quite that upscale yet. Fear not, the City of Destiny is also a city of nightlife for all classes. You need a budget choice for Date Night.

Let's start at the Hilltop Shell station. You'll want to talk to a young man dressed in black, probably sporting some gold chains and possibly armed. Ask for his best "dime bag" of "sticky-icky". You may impress your date by stressing you don't want no stems. Don't be too aggressive with this though, unlike fancy wine bars, your server may take the time and effort to kill you and leave you in the ditch.

After procuring your pharmaceutical fun, you should find a place to relax and enjoy your date. South Tacoma Way has many fine eating establishments. You'll both have the munchies, so go for cheap and easy. Perhaps your date would like some McDonalds. Many dishes are available for a dollar a piece. Maybe she's a special one; spring for Arbys or Wendy's. After enjoying your repast, stroll further up the road and find some entertainment. Perhaps your date would like to see some performing arts? Try the Deja Vu. Bring plenty of ones!

Now, you may well have a problem getting a date in the first place. Have no fear! Tacoma is here to help. Take a stroll down scenic Pacific Avenue. Many lovely ladies will gladly volunteer to be your date for the night. Or the hour! Perhaps you'll be as lucky as I was one night at the AM/PM, and one such lovely lady will demonstrate her amazing talents with a fresh, tasty corn dog. How she managed to do that, I'll never know. One point though gents? If your date is exceptionally tall, has a deeper voice than you and/or has an Adam's apple, she is almost certainly a dude. Don't worry, many young men experiment. Sit back and enjoy it. If you attempt to back out you will almost certainly be beaten to within an inch of your life.

So, we now have many ways of enjoying our city's nightlife that doesn't involve spending money at overpriced fusion restaurants or pretentious wine bars. And you get a glimpse of what made Tacoma famous.

Yes, easy drugs and transsexual prostitutes! The City of Destiny and all it offers is at your fingertips.

comments [8]  |  posted under budget, budget, date night, date night, tacoma

Comments

by intacoma on 11/16/2007 @ 9:58am
best ever.

by AP on 11/16/2007 @ 10:18am
I say stop by the Hilltop Shell station tonight, then go to Jazzbones to see George Clinton and company. The amount of gas needed to travel the distance previously suggested by intacoma probably costs as much as the cover charge to see the 420 Funk Mob in action. You can still enjoy fast food, Deja Vu, AM/PM corndogs, women (or men) of the night and excessive gas consumption next weekend!

by AP on 11/16/2007 @ 10:20am
After further review, it appears that "Tacoma Aroma" started this, not intacoma. Pardon the err.

by ensie on 11/16/2007 @ 10:23am
Sounds like one hawt date night!

by intacoma on 11/16/2007 @ 10:31am
I didn't write that! :P The bus is the new limo

by KevinFreitas on 11/16/2007 @ 11:03am
Haha! Too bad Sushi Revolution didn't have drive-up sushi conveyor belt service else that would be a way to class up this skanky date on the cheap.

by ensie on 11/16/2007 @ 11:25am
Too...many...inappropriate...sushi...jokes..

by KevinFreitas on 11/16/2007 @ 11:38am
Ew! Thanks for refraining there. Since there's where we're headed momentarily for lunch I'd hate to have my experience ruined by colorful imagery.