KFnet in T-Town

Apr. 1, 2008 at 7:38am

So Long, Tacoma, and Thanks for All the Hits

Tukwila, let me count the ways...

Though Tacoma was a worthy project to garner the attention of dozens of bloggers the time has come to shine the light on another local gem. Tukwila. Starting today, FeedTukwila will do for this mall-centric, freeway peninsula town what it did for the City of Destiny. Tukwila's time has come and the renaissance is upon it as it yearns to transform from pavement and parking lot poster child to at least a place that pretends to be active, alive and a real city.

I sat down with Tukwila Mayor Jim Haggerton for a quick Q&A about this new mutually lucrative (can you say new Green River front condo? yea baby!) partnership:

Q: What brought you to want a FeedTacoma type project to Tukwila?

A: I really believe that Tacoma has "arrived" and saw collaborative community websites like this as the only answer. FeedTacoma has brought dozens into the public process, reclaimed public spaces, and abolished the need for their mall. FeedTukwila will strive to do the same here. City Council meetings will be held in the online forums so that everyone, from all walks of life with a high speed Internet connection and Intel quad-core Optersupertron PC, can participate. Much like Tacoma's Tollefson Plaza, we have many, many parking lots that we need to take back from mis- and lack of use and fill with the beautiful example of the American spirit SUVs.

Q: Can you tell me about anything you would want to avoid from Tacoma's example?

A: Art. That's always a loser. I mean it works to have painters occupy a parking spot near the road to sell their stuff but we'll truly try and avoid any consideration toward the creative community all together. Mostly they just present a depressing drain on moral and resources and really provide nothing that a class of 5th graders couldn't slap onto an easel or pedestal. Plus, we truly hope to avoid the hipster pandemic that we see causing all kinds of trouble on the news. Instead we'll help foster and train the next generation of Boeing employees with community assembly line related and middle management workshops. By creating more, what I lovingly call, "worker drones" we'll be able to compete in numbers with wages in India and elsewhere to retain our workers here.

Q: How do you plan to encourage new business and growth in Tukwila?

A: We hope to share what's called the "flash mob" method wherein new business receives a huge onslaught of initial support that then tapers off to a trickle. This model helps lessen the need for constant diligence from the City of Tukwila to retain our entrepreneurs and instead opt for a "shock and awe" approach. Go in fast and furious then leave and let someone else keep it up.

Q: Without the burden of art and/or culture how will you help keep Tukwilites entertained?

A: We'll definitely build more movie theaters. Escapism is the best form of community entertainment really because it helps keep a large group of people sedentary and easy to manage for hours at a time. Also, as a monument to Tacoma's example for our town, we're planning a Vegas-style ode to all the things that made that city great. The Murray Morgan and Hylebos Bridges, that old Elks Lodge, Tollefson Plaza, and Condos -- all will be trucked up here piece by piece and assembled again just as they were. It will set a powerful example to the people of Tukwila as to just where we might be able to take our town. Best part is they won't have to waste gas to truly experience what the City of Destiny is all about. And that's good for the environment.

Q: Are there any other details you'd like to share with our readers?

A: Well, using the FeedTacoma Shops as an example we'll be completely scuttling the Southcenter Mall. The material will be recycled to create a worthy home for Russell Investment's move here.

Thanks Jim! For any FeedTacoma readers out there please copy and paste anything you'd like to keep for posterity as all the community-created site content will be removed tonight and replaced with ad link farms for Toyota trucks and Almond Roca.

comments [15]  |  posted under feedtukwila, tacoma, tukwila


by AP on 4/1/2008 @ 7:49am
April Fools!

I used to work in Tukwila. Eesh.

by izenmania on 4/1/2008 @ 8:05am
I know the truth... the real reason Freitaka is abandoning Tacoma for fairer climes... he was snubbed by the City of Destiny Awards, and wants to go someplace where there are fewer concerned citizens to snake recognition out from under him.

by AP on 4/1/2008 @ 8:12am
Oh, Tukwila is just that place alright. But such crowded restaurants..

by fergy1008 on 4/1/2008 @ 8:18am
TUKWILA! Tell me where to get a good hotdog there? I actually love Tukwila what with all it's tilt up buildings and car logged streets and well, IKEA of course (nothing against IKEA). Who needs local shops anyway it's not like people stick around downtown Tukwila (wait do they have a downtown) after 4:30 to use them anyway. Nobody really lives in Tukwila anyway they all commute from elsewhere but thank goodness they are putting those HOV lanes to good use by letting single commuters pay to get there faster. That will really help get things flowing on Hwy 167. I wish April fools would have fallen on a Monday then all this ranting wouldn't sound so trivial.

by OddTodd on 4/1/2008 @ 8:35am
**sigh** sipping cocktails on the fake lanai at the bahama breeze restaurant in the south center parking lot, with the headlights of i-5 twinkling in the distance. those were good times . . . --TODD

by thriceallamerican on 4/1/2008 @ 9:30am
I believe IKEA is technically in Renton. No dice for Tukwila there...

Back in high school pep band in my homeland of Kent, we would often yell "Tukwila" instead of "Tequila". Good times.

by Steph DeRosa on 4/1/2008 @ 10:32am
Damn you Kevin and your Feed Tacoma! I get so distracted - I get nothing done! I blame you and your evil internetz linkz!


by Steph DeRosa on 4/1/2008 @ 10:36am
crap it was mama and the Tukwila post.

I'm getting back to work now.

by fergy1008 on 4/1/2008 @ 3:43pm
Cra% your right IKEA is in Renton. Dam% you Kevin for distracting me and making me mess up!

by KevinFreitas on 4/1/2008 @ 3:45pm
Tukwila, Renton, Kent -- all the same. It's like saying University Place or Ruston isn't Tacoma.

by thriceallamerican on 4/1/2008 @ 3:59pm
Renton and Kent at least have real downtowns that reflect some of the historical development of the area. (Tukwila, not so much.)

I'm not usually a big defender of the communities that made up my childhood, but both cities have sort of neat historic downtown areas.

by KevinFreitas on 4/1/2008 @ 4:03pm
...both cities have sort of neat historic downtown areas.

:D Until Mr. Lahar comes along and lays down the mother of all steaming parking lots. There is some charm to be had there, certainly. I've been to Renton's old downtown a couple times in the last few years and there are some decent restaurants. Amazing to see the mutual connection with their rail heritage too.

by Steph DeRosa on 4/1/2008 @ 4:05pm
Mr. Lahar is coming?

He owes me money.

by jcbetty on 4/3/2008 @ 8:06pm
when I worked at IKEA I heard it called "Tukentonwilla" (and when I had friends in Marysville, I hear that area called Mukilevlynmonds.)

by thriceallamerican on 4/10/2008 @ 6:24pm
Hey check it out, Tukwila has a blog!


Although I have another home on the web I thought it might be nice to lead by example a bit and put this blog system up to the test myself.

So far, so good... Funny how I build web tools for other people that are far better than the one's I have setup over on KFnet.


Hey Clear Channel, Clean Up Your Crap!

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