Nov. 3, 2007 at 9:11am
My secret desire to transform feed tacoma into an underground newspaperTime to pull the wool over your own eyes and give these companies a proper heckling.
IF After a few drinks I asked you to name a few local businesses that really rubs you the wrong way (like in the swimsuit area) what would you say? Dig these baby:
RUSSEL INVESTMENT GROUP
Maybe i didn't graduate UW with a BA in spending mommy & daddy's hard earned Boeing money (before they got laid off of course), But I know something about how hedge funds work. Through the magic of off-shore banks in the Cayman Islands and tax loopholes these scumbags will rob uncle sam of his share just so you can buy that motor yacht ya always wanted. And why not? America can always borrow more money from communist China and our great grand kids can pay for the war on Iraq... well all the great grand kids of poor people at least. eff-You Russel Group!!! And your little waterfall too!
THE TACOMA REPORTERThe little red newspaper that folded below the fold. Was it because they defined themselves by their competition? what. All those cry-baby articles about how much the news tribune sucks didn't work out for you? There can be only one The Stranger. ha ha ha!
TACOMA RESCUE MISSION
Any Russel Investment Group employee can tell you it is an unwise investment to put all your eggs in one basket. So why bank on Christianity? Sure the current prez can cut you a sweet deal with the faith based initiative stuff but will that always be the case? For readers not in the know, our friends at TRM are in the business of hot swapping addictions. taking crack out of the emptiness hole and replugging it with Jesus. But here is where you could benefit from diversity! Like for example crank out a few Scientologists here, a few Islamists there next month a few Wiccans, Jews, Buddhists... anyhow something to thinkabout.
URBAN TANNING SPAYour rippling male torso advertising campaign makes my lunchtime hamburger so much more enjoyable. Seriously though I'm getting tired of hiding your stack of 'free brochures' under the auto-trader stack. Atleast start including faces in your advertising so I can entertain myself by drawing mustaches while I wait for my lunch.
CLEAR CHANNEL OUTDOORYou guys are scum. Everybody knows you're scum. You're days in this city are numbered. Constitutions Matters.
TACOMA SCHOOL DISTRICTThis one really hurts. Drop out factories? Shady retirement payouts? Ever growing requests for more property tax bond funding or whatever... Yiesh it is to painful to even joke about.
HOLISTIC FORGE WORKSMan am I sick of these guys. Gadfly comments... petty immature toilet humor. Not taking anything seriously. Grotesque pencil smudges passed off for legitimate cartooning skill. Daddy not give you enough hugs as a boy? So maybe you've got the girl, the slick car the flashy job the beautiful full head of wind swept pepper-brown hair but now what? You feel that existential emptiness... that hole in your chest. Catch a ride on the clue train bro, that's just how the universe works. Beautiful no?
STEAM PLANT NO. 2Oh Steam plant number 2, my little garbage incinerator cuttie how I miss you. Let me count the ways... One Mercury, Two Mercury, Three Mercury... etc.
WASHINGTON STATE MILITARY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEXIf you'd like to see two perfectly nice Democratic senators turn into snarling hyenas, mention your ideas about cutting back on military spending... shutting down a couple obsolete installations in the pacific northwest, like now that AmeriKa is the last mega-superpower and with no menacing Soviet Union around we look like a giant asshole by spending all this money on do-nothing Missile Defense Shields. Oh yeah I forgot about the spooooky terrrrrorrrrsts! nevermind.
SITECRAFTINGSo these guys have their shit together. So this is where you go to get a website not built completely in flash and doesn't look like it was designed by dumping a pedophiles' knick-knack drawer onto a web browser. So what that they've been able to put together an awesome website for themselves. SO WHAT!? Do they think they can walk around being successful and well liked without making enemies across the room? Nobody likes a Johny Footballhero. [sobbing]
(bonus business!!) TACOMA ACTORS GUILD
Hello you've been tagged at NO. ELEVEN! ho ha!
comments  | posted under business, humor, subversion, tacomaComments
by scout on 11/3/2007 @ 2:26pm
|My favorite customers are Russell people (none of whom have ever bought any artwork from my gallery) arguing that they deserve a discount on a $30 piece of original artwork because it is slightly "different" (unsanitized) from the other $30 pieces in a series.
I like to go by the Tacoma Rescue Mission coporate office and see the board meeting to discuss their latest good works. I can tell when they are meeting because there are usually Jags, Mercedes, BMWs, and even a Ferrari or two lined up in the parking spaces out front.
The meetings help them sleep with clear consciences in their warm and fuzzy Gig Harbor neighborhoods because they can throw money at the crackheads and hookers keeping them addicted but at least on the other side of the Bridge.
Who would Jesus do?
by scout on 11/3/2007 @ 2:52pm
|Okay another one that bugs me is the William Factory Small Business Incubator. |
What the hell is that? Every six months or so TNT business columnist Dan Voelpel trots out another glowing report on this company - that's if he doesn't have another loathsome Richard Florida "creatives" article in the hopper.
And how does one "incubate" a small business? It sounds kind of creepy and maybe even sticky.
I think the small business incubator might really be a giant pot growing set-up in a warehouse in Fife...think Pacifc Northwest spin-off of "Weeds"
Small Business? How small are we talking? Have you ever heard of any of the clients they list on their website?
To name a few.....
By the Book Accounting
When Pigs Fly Business Consultants
okay, I made up that last one
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RR Anderson is one of the most curious characters in the UFO lore and the history of underground cartooning. He fought bizarre underground beings in the caves of Alaska, was wounded by a laser before it was invented, and had a background with the clandestine branch of the Tacoma Cartoonists Society.
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