chrism39's Blog

Jul. 19, 2008 at 1:29pm

permissive parents.

  • We were having lunch at la fondita today and there was a toddler allowed to scream throughout the entire meal. The parents made no effort to stop this behavior except to murmur hush. In addition to not stopping the behavior they made no effort to go outside for a minute to give others a little peace. Now I know that La Fondita is not a place where children are frowned upon, it's a family place where children are welcome, but does that mean they are welcome to act any way they wish. I seem to see a correlation with the parents age to how permissible they are. Older the parent, more permissible they are with the children, It seems that they waited so long to have children, that now the child is looked upon as a sort of deite. Their is an air of entitlement that seems to come with some parents and older parents seem to be a little worse. They seem to act as if we should all accept any sort of behavior because it comes from a child, but I am sick of it. I am sick of this attitude that because you have a child you are special, and you should be treated better because of it. Now I know I'm most likely pissing people off with this post but that is not my intention. I guess I just wanted to vent and no I do not hate children I have two of my own, but my husband and I did not allow them to act out in public, we felt that out is public is a shared space and we should respect others. UGH.

comments [13]  |  posted under kids


by jcbetty on 7/19/2008 @ 2:33pm
I have to disagree here.

I guess I look at myself as an older parent, and we were definitely NOT the types to let the kid scream. We were always more, let's get the heck out of here, or, let's eat in shifts -parents.

In my experiences eating out, it seems an across-the-board age-of-parent thing; I've seen rude, shouting older parents with scared silent kids, I've seen parenting by the book older parents with well-behaved kids, I've seen shouting young parents with screaming kids, and I've seen 'way permissive (verging on clueless) younger parents.

I think it's possible if you're making correlations re age/entitlement, there may be a demographic component at play that isn't really touched on: La Fondita is in the North End, and many of the parents who live there are settled financially, and older, so as to afford to live there. I think if you went to a South End restaurant, you might be inclined to see more loud kids and permissive young parents-- like, for instance, when we'd go to Tacos Guyamas we'd frequently see screaming kids with all ages of parents. --Then, though, you also start introducing a cultural demographic, and with those considerations, we can discuss differences in parenting styles cross-culture (Asian restaurants typically show a different style of parenting and childrens' behavior than, say, McDonalds) --and the corellational point about age of parents becomes muddled and moot.

Where I will grant you the permissive thing/older adult correlation is with Grandparents, but I think that's a different case entirely, as many grands feel their disciplining hands are tied by the wishsd of their kids, and/or many grands don't want to be seen as "mean" by the wee cherubs.

by AP on 7/19/2008 @ 3:31pm
I wish my grandparents had been afraid of discipline!

I have no aspirations of being a parent, but I do have a dog. As such, I find it equally disturbing when owners are overly permissive with their animals. It is unfortunate that unwritten rules prohibit us from scolding other peoples' kids/animals. I've resisted temptation so many times.

by fredo on 7/20/2008 @ 8:00am
When planning a trip out for dinner, parents need to have a discussion with children regarding the behavior expected. Once at the restaurant, the parents need to monitor the behavior to make sure it conforms. Any serious departure should be dealt with immediately, including leaving amid meal and leaving the server a generous tip.

Yes, I am an older parent. My children exhibit beautiful manners because it was always expected. Hope this comment doesn't sound like a complaint. It's just a comment...nothing more.

by intacoma on 7/20/2008 @ 11:52am
all kids that scream should wear a muzzle, I don't want to go out to eat to hear your screaming kids.

by AngelaJossy on 7/20/2008 @ 12:20pm
So I guess what we've all learned here is that Mexican food makes small children scream. Duly noted.

by jenyum on 7/22/2008 @ 9:23pm
La Fondita makes my kids scream. I don't go with them. I don't know what it is, it's a perfectly nice place. Maybe the color scheme or all the little tsotchkes. The tables are very close together and all of this is overstimulating.

Then again, lots of things make my kids scream lately. We don't go out a lot right now, it kind of sucks but if I can't take 'em anywhere, I don't take 'em anywhere. I have the children that I have and I do not wish for them to be different people, however I have to confess life would be much easier if they exhibited behavior because it was expected of them.

...and there are a few commenters I occasionally wish to muzzle, too bad no one ever worked on their impulse control issues.

by fredo on 7/22/2008 @ 9:48pm
Jen@ Feedtacoma has a solution to the problem of commenters you don't enjoy reading. Just remember the commenters name and if you see a posting with that name on it...skip it. Has anything ever been easier?

by ensie on 7/22/2008 @ 11:24pm
Oh Fredo. How we missed you.

The problem with skipping commenters is that you lose the train of thought for the thread, and can miss out on important parts of the conversation. It's not an effective way to be part of an online community. You end up repeating arguments, which is highly annoying, or being a completely pointless contributer to the conversation.

An interesting idea, but not realistic.

by fredo on 7/23/2008 @ 8:35am
Ensie, maybe you and Jen could approach Kevin and see if there is someway he could write a routine into his website that would allow viewers to "muzzle" commenters who are annoying. Imagine how interesting the discussion threads will be when everybody is in total agreement. I'll have that glass of Kool-Aid now.

by chrism39 on 7/23/2008 @ 9:30am
I thought it was me you wanted to muzzle, I began suffering from self esteem issue, then I looked up and saw the intacoma and felt better. Maybe kids scream at lafondita cause its crowded and a little hot. who knows but kudos to you for knowing your kids limitations and abiding by them. When my twins were babies and toddlers we couldn't go to real restraunts it was kinda limited to fast food and then as they got older we could could expect better behavior.

by jenyum on 7/23/2008 @ 9:47am
Yeah, it was intended as a reference to intacoma's comment. Sorry to make you worry!

by ensie on 7/23/2008 @ 6:27pm
Fredo, There have been discussions about filtering capabilities for everyone in order to avoid posts and commenters they don't want to view. I don't know how far away we are from seeing that implimented.

by fredo on 7/23/2008 @ 8:01pm
Well, Ensie, I don't think you can have it both ways. As you yourself mentioned in a previous posting, "if you skip commenters you ...miss out on important parts of the conversation". That's exactly the effect the filters would have wouldn't it?

An interesting idea, but not realistic.


community matters, my kids, running and whatever pops in my head

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